Waiting with Our Lady
Waiting in Trust
It was the first scripture passage I had memorized: “Lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:5-6
And it is often a needed reminder when I pray, “Your will, not mine, Lord.”
I had to trust, and I had to say no. I walked out of the confessional, where I had sought spiritual direction to confirm my discernment, no longer sobbing but at peace with the unexpected decision to say no to this long-awaited opportunity.
It didn’t make sense. My reaction should’ve been “Yay!” when I opened my email late the night before. Instead, dread and overwhelm had washed over me as I read the project details—and the imminent deadlines. How could I possibly fit in this long-awaited writing project while teaching and trying to support my father as he cared for my mom?
I had been unable to sleep well the night before. With such a short time to commit, I had no peace, only panic and complete unrest. I battled confusion, remembering those times during the past few weeks when I had headed home from school only to be nudged by the Holy Spirit to turn around and go back to make copies of teaching materials that I didn’t yet need. Our Lord had also inspired me to prepare a new English notebook and organize all of those extra materials into a binder—was that to free up time for this writing? If so, why didn’t I feel excitement and the desire to step into this project?
The disappointing decision to say no actually brought relief. God hadn’t given me peace, and the timing just wasn’t right. For nearly a year, I had looked forward to the possibility of another collaborative book project, this one full of personal chapters about Our Lady. Now the project was a go, but my experience of one particular title of Our Lady, the Mirror of Justice, so close to my heart, would not be a part of it.
Despite the difficulty of the decision, my peace returned, confirming my discernment. “Your will, Lord, not mine.”
Within a week, I understood. My life and circumstances were about to forever change. I was about to lose my mother.
It wasn’t the right time—until suddenly it was, and then I understood.
I was just as surprised to receive a text a few weeks later. Someone had dropped out of the book project, opening an opportunity to write a chapter if I wanted it. Still recovering from the loss of my mom, I experienced surprising openness and peace and texted back, “I’ll pray about it.”
Those next few days, I received confirmation upon confirmation, making my decision a clear, easy, and peace-filled, “Yes.” Our Lord then opened my grieving heart, invited me to collaborate with him, and wrapped his hand around mine to write a story of both my earthly and heavenly mothers. God had a plan better than mine.
You can read this story and many others in Crowned with Grace, a beautiful new book which honors Our Lady through personal stories under her many titles. Mine is a story of waiting. Waiting with Our Lady.
Crowned with Grace went to print this week and is available here, or please reach out to me if you are local — I am happy to sign and personalize the book for you or for a gift! I also have copies of Cloud of Witnesses—the first book of personal stories of how the saints touch our lives—available if you would like both books as a bundle.
As we enter into Advent, we enter the new liturgical year and a season of waiting. How will we dispose our hearts to wait?
Most of us do not like waiting. As children, we asked, “Are we there yet?” As adults, we check the time on our wrists. I have not been so patient in waiting, not in line—and especially not on hold—while the clock ticks away the time needed for something yet undone, especially in the busyness of the Christmas season.
But this resistance to waiting is also resistance to God’s will and timing. Maybe God placed me in that line to pray for the person in front of me or to speak to the person behind me. Maybe he wants me to pause enough to bring my attention to him or to notice something he arranged just for me.
How do we prepare our hearts to wait this Advent season? We look to Our Lady, our beautiful Mother and Mirror. Who better is there to teach us?
Our Lady had no resistance in her. She prayed incessantly, beseeching the Most High to send the Redeemer to save mankind, to open the gates of Heaven for her if it be his will. Little did she know that in God’s plan, she herself had been created to bring the Savior into the world.
In City of God, Mary of Agreda writes that during the nine days leading up to the Annunciation, the Most High revealed more and more of himself and his creation to the Virgin who would be his spouse and mother, stirring her to love mankind and deeply desire the Messiah who would save them, the Messiah for whom God’s people had been waiting. When the Angel Gabriel came to share God’s plan with the Virgin, she humbly gave her beautiful fiat, submitting to the timing and plans of God with an open and trusting heart. And the Word became flesh.
Where in our lives might our Lord be inviting us also to give our fiat, to more fully open our hearts to him, trusting him enough to surrender our will and timing to his? Where can we carve out time and space to contemplate God and his goodness, to seek the sweetness of intimacy with him in the waiting?
I invite you to choose with me to savor this time of waiting in childlike trust of our loving Father, in surrender to his loving provision, embracing with wonder and delight his generous gifts—especially the gift of himself and the intimacy he desires to have with us—and his perfect timing for all things, most especially the gift of the Savior, Emmanuel, God with us.
Wishing you a blessed and fruitful Advent season as we wait in trust and wonder for the coming of the newborn King.
Brenda
In honor of Our Lady on the Solemnity of her Immaculate Conception
Mary of Agreda, City of God: The Incarnation trans. Fiscar Marison (Alburquerque, NM: Corcoran Publishing Company, 1902), 96.